that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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