she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dude. I can hear the air.
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