you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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