Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
