Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
