I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
