never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
