just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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