I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
