what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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