Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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