the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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