can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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