so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
