How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
