if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
