dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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