In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
