so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
