how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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