Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am puke
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
