There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
