HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
