Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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