I will die if light touches me.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
