Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm passing your future prison.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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