That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
