These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
