I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
