maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
