I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
