I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it because I queefed?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
