At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
