I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
