It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
