Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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