What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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