So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
