Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
