just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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