I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
