So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Still dying that you shit outside
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
