I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
