peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
