Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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