think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
too bad you live with your parents still
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Randomize
