Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
