one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have so many feelings about this burrito
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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