Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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