We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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